i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
