I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize