im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize