she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
