that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
