God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's never too late to be topless.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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