my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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