He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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