So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
