I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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