are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
