you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
