I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I have post one night stand depression
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
