Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize