I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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