I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
