i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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