guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
