My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
