You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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