I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
