Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
