Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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