I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
