i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
