Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
