Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
