we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
where does the pee come out of this thing
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
