Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
