I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
