I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
