rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
