You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
