I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
