If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
