OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
