The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
