There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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