it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
