WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Randomize
