Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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