Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
