Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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