she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
