my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
