Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
