We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
