So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
