smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I look better un-naked...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
only you would photoshop your dick
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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