At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
