I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
