I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
