he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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