tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How external is "for external use only"?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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