Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
