when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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