I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
