Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
