woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
