I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize