She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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