I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
