you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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