The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
