So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize