sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
