Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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