a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
