you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
