Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
