I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
