Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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