You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
