I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
