and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
