so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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