guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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