Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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